Karkat, do NOT see this coming!
by Beepbeepme-NOFUCKYOU
Summary: Nope, did NOT expect that to happen. Just when Karkat thinks life is done knocking him down and laughing at him, it delivers a Chuck Norris snap-kick to the balls. kplus for Karkles naughty wittle mouth. XD
1. hehe

**_hey-o people! feel free to point out any stuff, as it's like 4am that my brain started turning this shit out and i'm positive there's something wrong so let me know and i will fix it C: _**

**_I hope you enjoy this random blurbety, and i reviews so you know where the button is!_**

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"…what?"

Karkat stared dumbfoundedly at the stupid human he called his matesprit that was standing in front of him. John, a grin unsuccessfully being held back by huge, derpy front teeth, nodded his head again in affirmation. He actually seemed _pleased _about the whole fucking thing.

After the whole deal went down with Bec Noir, they had arrived on a strange little planet where humans and trolls and everything in between flourished. They lived together in peaceful townships, and were technologically stable. When the meteor crash landed, everyone who had died was standing there as if they were just waiting for everyone to get back. The great big golden fucking ship sitting there meant the others had gotten here okay too. And for reasons Karkat could never fathom although he had strained the fuck out of his think pan trying, everyone stayed here, and just enjoyed the things they could get from the nearby city and everyone's charming company all four years since they landed. Karkat only stayed because John was still here. At least, that was what he told himself.

However, it was not the strange similarities to the players' home planets that was truly unnerving. It was the biggest, hugest fucking _difference _that stood out. There was no mother grub here. Trolls and humans had adapted to carry young. ALL the trolls and humans.

And apparently so did they.

"You're ….pregnant?" Karkat couldn't quite wrap his head around the fact that _John had a tiny wriggler growing inside him . Right now at this very fucking moment a tiny mix of HIS genetic material was growing into….something._

"K-Karkat? You aren't…mad, are you?" John's smile faded a bit due to Karkat's lack of positive response. Or any real emotional response at all, really. He just stood there, out behind the golden ship, staring past John in a unfocused daze. " I mean, I don't know if we can do anything abo-"

"SHH!"

The fucking asshole was trying to converse with him while the biggest fucking wall in the giant floating frog squished him like a bug. He was going to be…NO no way this was not happening-SHUT THE HELL UP YOU ARE ABOUT TO BECOME A LUSUS OR FATHER OR WHATEVER THAT FUCKING STUPID HUMAN MONKIER FOR GUARDIAN WAS.

"Just….give me a goddamned minute to realize that you are a living incubator for a tiny wiggler, alright?" Karkat held a hand up to his aching head. This was NOT supposed to even be POSSIBLE oh god Kanaya was gonna have a fucking field day with this….

"YOUR, wriggler Karkat. I am 95% certain she's yours!"

"She what the actual fuck John how do you know it's a she, and NO we are not naming it Cas- WAIT NINETY FIVE PERCENT WHERE'S THE OTHER FIVE GOING TO-" Karkat just about bust a brain vessel, until he saw John laughing at his. Then he really _did_ pop something in his head.

"THAT WAS IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM FUNNY YOU SAD PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A MAGGOT RIDDEN FESTERING PILE OF WOOFBEAST-" John was doubled over in laughter as Karkat shouted insults at him, calling him every curse he knew from Alternia , every Earth curse he'd gotten from Dave and a slew of brand new ones as he let off all the immense emotion boiling over in him. Now this was what John had expected out of Karkat whne he told him about the pregnancy.

Not that John handled it all that well himself. Rose had gone to the local healer's shop for some special herb to help with rainbow-drinker bites when the knobbly little troll that worked there (who reminded him a bit of Nanna) asked if she wanted to get some nice remedies and perhaps a check-up on the 'carrier'. John, of course not totally knowing what that was, had to ask what she was talking about. With a missing-toothed grin she 'hoo-hoo'ed and told him he was going to have a wriggler. Rose gasped in shock, and John fervently denied any possibility that that could happen. He was a boy, and things don't work like that with boys. Except for when there's a troll involved. Rose, albeit having snickered the entire way, took him to an actual doctor's office to confirm what the creaky old Nanna troll had said. He was in shock for hours after and was totally spaced out for Rose's interrogation of the doctor as to the whole process. A _kid._ But all that was made up for by Karkat's priceless reaction.

"…AND GODDAMMIT WILL YOU STOP LAUGHING AND STRAIGHTEN UP BEFORE YOU SMOOSH THE FUCKING THING OR SHAKE IT INTO BRAIN DAMAGE OR SOME STUPID SHIT LIKE THAT?"

Karkat took a deep breathe, and John re-composed himself to look seriously at his boyfriend's face.

"So, um, what are we gonna do about this? Are we gonna keep her, or…?" John trailed off. As weird as it all was, he was terrified Karkat would say no, that John had to rid of her. Because for some strange reason, John wanted the baby. He wanted to keep her.

"Are you shitting me? 'Are we gonna keep her?'" Karkat mocked John in a higher tone of voice, before snorting and taking John's hand, "Of fucking COURSE we are going to keep it. Didn't you always say you wanted kids? " A hint of softness hit the troll's eyes. "I probably won't be any parent of the perigree, but I'll do my fucking best for it. 'K, Egbert?" Crimson eyes met sky blue, and they were in agreement.

It would be terrifying. It would suck royally some days and be perfect the next, and as per usual for their lives it would not be fucking easy by any strech of the imagination. But they had their friends, and each other, and that was more than enough.

Speaking of the fucktarded douche pies…..

"Um, Rose is the only one who know right now, so you, uh, wanna go tell everyone else?" John asked, laughter growing in his tones.

"Oh god" Karkat knew how _they_ were going to react. This was going to be a fucking _nightmare._

"Aw, cheer up Karkles, this is gonna be _fun!_ I just know Dave's gonna love this. Hey, who are the godparents gonna be?" John pulled on his mate sprit's arm, back towards the leaning meteor station , where everyone would be gathered for lunch.

"John, what the twisted ever-loving FUCK is a godparent?"


	2. Rose is the Helpful Friend

Rose smiled to herself as she noticed the two missing members of their party. John's predicament not only told her a lot about he and Karkat's relationship, but it was also a novelty for them all. The four humans had all ended up with trolls, and trolls did not reproduce. No one had expected to end up with offspring.

Despite attempting not to, Rose looked over at her own troll, as Kanaya conversed with the spiderlike Vriska. Rose had never really thought about little ones. With this new revelation, perhaps…? No. It probably wouldn't work out. It may not even be possible for them. She ignore the slight pang of disappointment in her chest before scanning the room again for any sign of John. They were spotted near the door, John with a face-splitting grin and Karkat radiating anxious terror.

Sliding off the stool she was perched on, the Seer of Light practically floated over to her matesprit and whispered gently in her ear.

"Kanaya, darling, I do believe we should go in the general direction of the now-entering couple. I believe we will be needed for moral support shortly." the rainbow drinker looked up at the cryptic words, simply nodding and letting Rose lead her to a spot closer to the now-entered couple, Karkat and John. Hm, whatever could Rose mean by "moral support"? Karkat does look a bit ill…

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its super duper short BUT its a promise to continue. My inspiration was stolen by an old dead otp (curse you a tla!) But I'm getting over myself a climbing back on the author-horse. LESS THAN THREE!

- bN

ps ff STOP DELETEING PEOPLES STORIES WITH NO WARNING ITS SUPER RUDE!


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